Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Mercury Hits Pay Dirt: John's New Book Cover Revealed!

[Mercury runs up to Jupiter's front door]

Mercury:  Jupiter! Are you home?

Jupiter: Mercury! What are you doing here?

Mercury: Remember you asked me to find out about John's book?

Jupiter: What? That makes no sense! Merc, you told me there wasn't any said he had a bunch of them half done. And shouldn't you be out of breath?

Mercury: When I'm going forward I'm pretty damn fast anyway, Jove. Can I come in?

Jupiter: Sure. [holds door for Mercury]

Mercury: Thanks! [Door closes] You told me to go look at John's Erin Condren planner, and I snuck a peek the one day while he was at work. I didn't find anything there, so that was a bust.

Jupiter: [confused look] So? I question the necessity of you running all the way here just to tell me THAT, Merc. I just picked up South Park and Philosophy. So far it's pretty good...and now you're keeping me from it. So if there's nothing else...?

Mercury: Jupiter, do you really think I would come all the way down here just to tell you that? I'd have texted you.

Jupiter: Good point, fact face. So speaking of points, you do have one, right?

Mercury: My point was to tell you that if you could stop the witty repartee for a few minutes and LISTEN to me, there IS a book and I have the proof. 

Jupiter: [mouth drops open] Excuse me?

Mercury: I wasn't going to put this in an email or text message. Ready to believe me now?

Jupiter: [stares at pictures] HOLY. SHIT. In Their Own Words: The Major Arcana of the Tarot. THAT SCORPIO SONOFABITCH! He never said a WORD to me!

Mercury: Me either! But now we know. John needs to stop leaving his screen unlocked. And no, I don't have any other information right now. No release date, but it's likely soon. No excerpt. Nothing. But I thought you should know.

Jupiter: Merc, I owe you BIG TIME for this one. Everyone's going to hear about this fucking book!

Mercury: You can take it from here, Mr. Expansive. Have a wonderful day!

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Musings from the Moon...and Jupiter!

Moon: Hello everyone...Lady Moon here! Looks like I'll get the opportunity to start off this blog tonight. [Opens Erin Condren planner] So it's been a few weeks since John's been on, and I figured I'd take the opportunity to come aboard and give my two cents. Normally I don't do these sorts of things without a full meeting...too public and all...but I guess I can every once in a while. 

Jupiter: I'm an old hand at this, Lady Moon! Just follow my lead and you'll do just fine. 

Moon: Thanks for the enthusiasm and support, Jove. So let's get down to business. Our esteemed blogger has survived his time without his beloved. She returned and everything is right in his world. Well, mostly, anyway.

Jupiter: Dude, the guy just needs to let loose and have some fun. Saturn has got him by the fucking balls, and I...

Moon: Jupiter, PLEASE. We're not taking the opportunity to disparage other planets.

Jupiter: I'm not disparaging anyone, Lady. It's just who that stubborn bastard IS. And he is John's ruling planet, after all. It's such a shame he wasn't born just a few hours would have been ME.

Moon: Well, Jupiter, he wasn't. John has to live with his chart the way it is, and he's been doing that for quite some time. He often writes in his astrology class #ilovemychart for that reason. I mean...Saturn rules John's Moon position, so he's been dealing with that for a while and learning how to work with me better all the time.

Jupiter: Saturn is still a huge dick, even though his own isn't really...

Moon: [SIGH] Jupiter, do I need to do this on my own? Or can you behave yourself?

Jupiter: No, ma'am. I'll try to conduct myself in a matter more befitting my station. Or some shit like that.

Moon: Indeed you will. [PAUSE] Anyway, my point in all this is that our favorite blogger's been a little off lately. He's been struggling a little with me and I'm guessing it's because he's been working too much.

Jupiter: And which planet's fault would that be?

Moon: JOVE! What did I ask you to do?

Jupiter: It was SATURN the prick's fault!  He's always behind that shit. 

Moon: Jupiter, it's time for you to go. 

Jupiter: But, Lady Moon!

Moon: That's your third strike, young man. OUT!

[Jupiter leaves]

Moon: [sadly shakes head] Anyway, our intrepid blogger has been struggling a little lately and I suspect it's because he's been working too much. I believe he's referred to it as burnout. So he is officially on vacation as of tonight. The next time he'll be reading is October 8 at the shop, although he'll be teaching before that. I know he's particularly excited for a new set of tarot students. [Flips through Erin Condren planner]. Oh damn, now I have to do Jupiter's part as well. That's just the part that he never seems to get to about readings and charts being awesome and amazing and a fantastic gift as well as an important part of John's tarot business. 

[Jupiter opens the door]

Jupiter: Lady Moon, can I PLEASE come back in and finish?

Moon: [Glares at Jupiter] Fine. You may. But no more funny business, Mister!

Jupiter: Yes, ma'am. Our blogger is going on vacation to the west coast where he will perform that most solemn of Jupiter duties, a marriage ceremony for two dear friends. And since he's only been to this place once, I'm considering it one of my trips.

Moon: He desperately needs a vacation, Jupiter, so I hope it's different and exotic. 

Jupiter: It sure will be. I've also encouraged Neptune to help John enjoy the vacation with some tiki libations! That man deserves to party.

Moon: Well, I certainly hope he'll have the opportunity to do so.

Jupiter: Me too! He gets more like Saturn when he doesn't have fun. 


Jupiter: Sorry, ma'am...but he does!

Moon: Well, just for that I'm not telling you about John's progress on one of his books. 

Jupiter: Wait...what?

Moon: Sorry, Jupiter. That's all we have time for.

Jupiter: I never realized you could be so cruel, Lady Moon!

Moon: Emotions can get that way sometimes, young man. Perhaps you'll learn your lesson eventually.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Random Meanderings

Greetings dear reader! I hope your summer has been enjoyable and fun. Since none of the astrological planets decided to help me out tonight, it looks like I'm on my own. So I decided I'd catch you all up with some randomness.

1) Glass cleaner from the Dollar Store--So this is a mistake that I won't make again. I tried using it today, and while it cleans just fine, it stinks of vinegar and aged roadkill. Now I know that glass cleaner isn't supposed to smell like making chocolate chip cookies, but I shouldn't want to toss my cookies when I'm just cleaning my mirror.

2) Political posts-- I've just about had it with anything political. Honestly, I'm fed up. I can't stand all of the noise. So I'm not going to add to it by giving you my opinions, which are totally irrelevant. Before I leave the topic, though, all I'll say is this: One of the greatest freedoms we have is the freedom to determine our leaders. Who you vote for is up to you, but you need to go out and vote. And please be respectful online when commenting on posts you may see. Thanks in advance! Can't wait until it's all over. You may now return to your polarized views. 

3) Back to School--The bell rings tonight for me as I head back to school at the Midwest School of Astrology for the beginning of year 2. On tap: More predictive astrology techniques! I'm pleased about that...I learned a ton last year, but I want to be able to see more into the future. Knowing the natal chart is vital, and it's probably the most basic thing we do as astrologers, but knowing how to help people who come to us at different points of their lives is where the rubber meets the road. It's an area where we can do a lot of good. I'm also road tripping to Cincinnati to see Jacqueline Janes in early November. 

4) SOTA--I'm speaking once more at the State of the Art (SOTA) conference in Buffalo, NY, from November 10-12. My topic is going to be practical tips for reading tarot for others, and I'm looking forward to it. 

5) Let's see who really reads this blog--HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I couldn't resist. I hate those Facebook posts. You can virtually guarantee that I will scroll past any post that starts that way. 

6) Gaming--So I'm looking forward to the release of Civilization VI, on October 21, for PC. We are a Mac family, and I'm glad that a Mac version is coming out "shortly" after that date. I can almost guarantee that my life will be consumed for a while once that occurs. Currently, I'm learning a Steam game called Factorio, which has all the complexity that I like combined with the challenge of learning to use the tools effectively. If you like complicated resource-driven games, this would be one for you. 

Thanks as always for tuning in. I look forward to seeing you again soon. 

Friday, September 9, 2016

Moon Conjunct Saturn

[The Moon sits in the Sun's office behind his desk]

Moon: Have a seat, Old Man.

Saturn: Thank you, Lady. [sits] So I'm curious why you wanted this ex parte meeting.

Moon: Well, some news reached me, and I wanted to confirm it with you before sharing it with the larger group.

Saturn: Yes, ma'am. And that would be...?

Moon: [Pause] I heard our intrepid blogger finally got his promotion at work. Did you know about this?

Saturn: Of course. But I couldn't say anything until it was official...officially. And now it is.

Moon: Did you see his social media post about it? He mentioned you specifically with #saturnpays.

Saturn: I saw that, and I was especially gratified by it, even though he did insult me in the same breath. But he's worked very hard for a very long time for that honor, and he deserves it. I'm very proud of him.

Moon: Wow. He must have earned it if you say he did, Old Man.

Saturn: You say true, and I say thank you, Lady Moon. I was a little hurt by being called a stodgy...well, you saw what he called me.

Moon: Yes, and you made that poor bastard work for nearly nine years before giving in, so I'd say you earned that insult as much as he earned his promotion. But how long of a reprieve will you get before he starts antagonizing you again, do you think?

Saturn: Not sure. Sooner rather than later. If he held off until Saturnalia, I'd be content; his original statement was 90 days of ceasefire if he got it. So hopefully he'll hold to that.

Moon: You rule him after all, so I'm pretty confident he will respect his part of the deal. [Rises] Anyway, I know you're busy, so I won't keep you. I'll let the Sun know what's up.

Saturn: Yes, Lady Moon. His absence at our meeting was...irregular.

Moon: Between you and I, Saturn, I told him to take a day off, and he did it. I don't know where he is, and I don't care. I just hope he's in a better mood when he comes back. Since we don't get retrograde periods, sometimes we need some R & R.

Saturn: [rises] Thank you, Lady.

Moon: Thanks, Old Man. Have as good a day as you can considering your many obligations.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: Moon Opposing Pluto?

Moon: Good evening, everyone! Our fearless leader asked me to fill in for him today.

Mars: Wait...we have to show up and HE doesn't? What bullshit is this? This is college football's opening weekend!

[Moon and Venus look directly at Mars]

Mars: Shit, I fucked up again. Goddamit! [folds arms and takes on soothing, forced tone] Please continue, Lady Moon.

Moon: Thank you, Mars. As I was saying, he's working on something else so he can't attend this meeting.

Saturn: Might we inquire on the reason for his absence?

Moon: I just told you, Saturn, but unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to provide more details at this time.

Saturn: [mutters] Figures. Hope it's important.

Moon: First on our agenda tonight: As you can see from his lack of presence, Mercury is retrograde.

Mars: Wait...again? I thought he WAS just retrograde!

Moon: Three times a year, Mars. You know the drill.

Mars: I don't know HOW he gets anything done!

Venus: He moves a lot faster than we do, Mars.

Moon: Uranus, what's the story on social media?

Uranus: Lots of folks are talking about Mercury, ma'am, but the eclipse was also getting some good play. It seems people are checking out how the eclipses affect their personal lives.

Moon: That's excellent! And what is their overall feeling?

Uranus: Pissed off at Mercury, as usual. The mere utterance of the phrase "Mercury retrograde" seems to engender fear in the hearts of people as well. I've never seen another planet with the impact of Mercury...except maybe Pluto.

Pluto: Yeah, the whole "size" thing. If they asked me nicely, I'd be happy to show them how big I truly am! [Stands up and reaches for zipper]

Moon: As much as everyone would love to see your, umm, real size, Pluto, no one has ever questioned your large impact in the astrological world. Please sit down.

[Pluto smiles and sits back down]

Uranus: [To Pluto] And how many people can say they had a beloved cartoon figure named after them? Most people still pronounce my name "your anus" instead of "YER-AH-NUSS" and it's totally embarrassing.

Pluto: Oh, come the fuck on! That's not saying a lot, Urnie. Do you know that there isn't much Pluto stuff you can buy, even if you go there in person? But you go ahead put a mouse on every fucking piece of clothing imaginable, and that shit sells? I don't get it! Man's best friend, my fucking ass!

Mars: I think that's the longest set of sentences I've ever heard you say, Pluto. Awesome intensity, dude!

Pluto: Well it certainly couldn't have come out of your mouth, Cro-Magnon Mars!

Mars: [raises hands] Dude, do not get me started! It's not going to be me starting shit today.

Pluto: It is every other fucking day!

Moon: Enough, you two. Pluto, you are excused!

Pluto:'re chucking me out?

Moon: We'll see you at our next meeting, Pluto, but you're acting belligerent.

Pluto: [points at Mars] I fucking bet if I were a personal planet, I'd get to stay, right? But I'm an outer planet, so I have to go! BULLSHIT!

Moon: That has nothing to do with it, Pluto. And don't try playing the "outer planet" card with me. I'm within my authority to ask you to leave. SO GET OUT!

[Pluto stalks to the door, opens it, and slams it with all his might. The room shakes.]

Neptune: So hard to find our Zen as a group these days. Maybe we should start each meeting with a positive affirmation or something.

Moon: That's an excellent idea, Neptune. I'll put it on my list of topics for the Sun. Uranus, was there any indication of when Mercury would be returning?

Uranus: [Opens Erin Condren planner] End of September, ma'am. That's when he should be back up to full speed.

Moon: And not a moment too soon. Thank you, Uranus. Venus? How is John doing?

Venus: Our intrepid blogger is holding his own, ma'am. Many people are asking after his well-being with his beloved gone for another week and a half or so. Hopefully, he'll get some R & R this weekend, as he's kind of looking a little rough. And his beloved is doing an excellent job helping her parents. Luckily, he did get a few days with her earlier this week down there. His former mentee had to postpone their time together due to illness...she's Taurus sun, even though she's Gemini rising, so with Merc unreliable at the moment I'll keep an eye on her. I think that's everything, ma'am.

Moon: Thanks, Venus. I found out about his trip to Florida after the fact. He'd already returned. Mercury neglected to tell any of us.

Saturn: No surprises there!

Moon: Be fair, Old Man. Normally he's excellent at giving us the information. And you've got to let the guy have a few secrets.

Uranus: John had to go radio silent on social media for a few days to not give away the surprise, but just showing up had me written all over it. 
Totally a tactic from my book. I loved it! 

Moon: Excellent, Uranus. Thank you! I think that about covers it for today. Any alibis? [Pause] Then we're adjourned. [To Saturn] There's a matter I need to discuss with you in private in the Sun's office, Saturn, if you have a moment...

Saturn: For you, dear lady, anything.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Meeting of the Astrological Minds, Special Session: Now Departing...

Sun: Wow. It looks like we're short a few people, Lady Moon. Attendance check, please?

Moon: [opens Erin Condren planner] I only have one absence noted, sir: Pluto. He sent a response to the meeting request with a stick figure making a rude gesture. I'm intuiting that as a no, sir, but I did not receive a direct reply to the question.

Saturn: That's incredibly rude! I think sanctions are in order, first for missing a meeting, and second for his lack of respect. 

Sun: I made it clear that this meeting was optional, Saturn, so I can't fault him when it's outside of our regularly scheduled meetings. 

Saturn: This place is going soft! Back when it was just the seven of us, before the dark times...

Sun: [SIGH] Not that again, Saturn. [To Moon] Your instincts are right on, I'm sure, Luna. So no Pluto. Neptune is retrograde too, right? So is he coming? 

Moon: You shouldn't even bother asking. Neptune barely turns his phone on, much less reply to emails. So, unfortunately, I have no idea. And I don't know about Uranus, either. 

Sun: Hmmm. That's interesting. Saturn is here. But no Mars? That's a little distressing. Venus? Any thoughts on his whereabouts?

Venus: The Olympics are finishing up, sir. I'm figuring he's in front of his TV doing squats in a stretchy leotard or something like that. His joy over watching the world's best compete is...well, practically orgasmic for him.

Sun: Yes, well...I can imagine. Hopefully, he'll be able to join us later on.

Mercury: So can we get started, sir? I'm hoping to level up today. Isn't that right, Lady Moon?

[The Moon blushes]

Sun: I don't think this meeting will take long, Mercury, and then you and Luna can go chasing after your imaginary monsters again. 

Moon: Our agenda is a short one, Merc...I tried to make it that way so we could get back out there. [smiles]

Sun: This Pokemon craze is now affecting our business practices, Luna? 

Moon: Maybe a little. [smiles at Merc]

Sun: [shakes head] We'll have to discuss this another time, Luna. But you're the one who suggested this meaning, so why don't you start us off?

Moon: Yes, sir. It seems our intrepid blogger will be challenged over the next few weeks. His beloved wife will be heading to her parents' home to help her mom and dad. What a fantastic girl she is to do that! Saturn has the rest of the details, I believe.

Saturn: Certainly, Lady Moon. It appears that John's mother in law is having her knee replaced. I know only too well what that is like; that's one of my parts of the body, after all. It's a very common procedure, but it will require lots of rehabilitation afterward. She'll have to take a page out of my book: Slow and steady, and work within the boundaries set by her medical professionals.

Mercury: As a former nurse herself, Jen's mom knows the drill. Speaking personally, I'd have done what John did and pulled up a YouTube video to see it.

Moon: [shudders] The video is NOT for the faint of heart.

Saturn: I agree, Lady Moon. The knee is a vital part of the human anatomy, but some folks would rather not know, and I can understand that. 

Mercury: Who wouldn't want to know? That sounds ridiculous! Let's all take a look!

Sun: You can do that on your own, Mercury. And when it's your knee they're replacing, you can decide for yourself how cool it is. But you really can find everything on YouTube these days.

[Door bangs open. Mars runs in]

Mars: [chanting] U-S-A! U-S-A!

Sun: Mars, we're supposed to be neutral, remember?

Mars: Sorry, boss. The USA is kicking ass and taking names! [sits down]

Mercury: Except of course for the scandals and the disqualification...

Mars: Don't go there, crotch rot!

Sun: [Raises hand] Merc, let's not get into that now. So where were we?

Saturn: Jen will be away for a while, which will leave our intrepid blogger by himself.

Mars: That's right. His mother in law is getting sliced up! GO ME!

Venus: Sensitivity is not your strong suit, Mars.

Mars: Bitch, please! That's not what you motherfuckers pay me for!

[Everyone but Mars looks at Venus]

Venus: Please continue, everyone. That's just the testosterone talking. Clearly, he's writing checks his body can't cash.[Pause] Jupiter and I have been talking with Lady Moon, and we're sure that the surgery will go fine. But we are concerned that our blogger friend may not do so well.

Saturn: What do you mean by that?

Moon: Well, Saturn, we're wondering how he'll do emotionally. 

Saturn: [waves hand] He will suck it up and soldier on, like he always does. He'll probably pour himself into his work...

Moon: And wait until the emotion goes away?

Saturn: Yes. So I'm not sure why this is even a problem we're discussing.

Venus: John doesn't do so well when his wife is away. She's vital to him. He likens it to a car that has three wheels. That's why he tries to keep busy, try not to focus on it.

Saturn: Well I admire his desire for productivity!

Jupiter: We also noticed an aggravating factor for him, sir. We almost missed it. 

Sun: And what factor is it?

Jupiter: He's losing a work colleague who is very special to him as well, someone he's been mentoring for 18 months. She's leaving the office for good. Luckily, she'll be local for the foreseeable future...

Venus: She called herself his "work wife," sir. They had lunch together most days and spent a lot of time working on team projects at the office. And both of these events are occurring at the same time. So there's that. 

Sun: Hmmm, that is complicated. [Pauses] Is there an action plan in place?

Moon: Not per se, sir.

Jupiter: I know John will be catching up on charts and doing some tarot reading and teaching. That should help. 

Venus: He'll video conference with Jen often. And he'll keep in touch with his colleague as well. He could use some more relaxation to round out the picture, but with John, that's always a challenge.

Moon: Saturn, you rule John's Moon sign. We're going to need you to ease up a bit to help him out. That Cappie Moon's Hoover Dam needs to be able to let out that emotion.

Saturn: I'm not that flexible, Lady, and you know that you and I don't work particularly well together. And I resent being told what to do or how to be. 

Moon: [SIGH] Of course. I understand. Whatever you can do, Old Man.

Mars: He needs to keep going to the gym! That will keep him feeling good! 

Sun: That's true, Mars. 

Mars: Then he'll be too damn tired to feel anything!

Sun: Mercury?

Mercury: He's got a new video game or three to play as well. The time will fly then.

Sun: I guess that's the best we can do for now. Any alibis? [Pause] I'm going to suggest that Mercury, Mars, and Saturn meet after this meeting to discuss Jen's mom's surgery. Luna, you, Venus, and Jupiter can see to an action plan for John's well-being. You can do that at the Moon's cubicle. I don't have any assignments for Uranus, who decided not to come, I figure. Luna, please type up any notes from this meeting as well as from your meeting; I'll need them tomorrow.

Moon: Yes, sir. 

Sun: You have your assignments, folks. Thanks for your participation. We're adjourned. 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Shameless Marketing with Mercury and Jupiter!

Mercury: Hello everyone...Mercury here with the information you need to hear about John's upcoming tarot schedule!

Jupiter: And Jupiter here to do John's dirty work of shamelessly marketing his business services! He's too busy playing Offworld Trading Company to pander to all of you.

Mercury: [Coughs] My colleague's comments notwithstanding, many of you have been asking about John's tarot dates for the next month or so. Well, he's finally given them to me...I've been trying for a month, folks. He ignores my text messages sometimes; I'm not really sure why. But at least he finally gave me what I asked for and then some!

Jupiter: Maybe he ignores you because you never shut up, Merc. 

Mercury: Whoever got anything done by staying quiet, Jupiter. Seriously! And you're the planet that rules publishing? Imagine!

Jupiter: There's a difference, Merc. You present the facts, while I present informed opinions.

Mercury: Call it what it is, you hypocrite. It's propaganda!

Jupiter: That's it? With your extensive vocabulary, you should be able to do better than that! And it's not propaganda if it advances your agenda. 

Mercury: Ummm...isn't that the very definition of the word?

Jupiter: I've never been a student of Funky and Wagner, so cut me some slack, Mr. Facts and Figures. 

Mercury: [glares] It's FUNK and WAGNALL, you cretin! Paging Mr. Jupiter...Mr. Jupiter! Please put down the Schopenhauer and Nietzsche and back AWAY from the philosophy section! [Pauses] At any rate, here are the dates when John will be reading at 13 Magickal Moons for the foreseeable future...see? Look what I did! There's a little psychic humor for you!

Wednesday, August 24, 6-9pm

Saturday, August 27, 11:30am-5:30pm

Wednesday, August 31, 6-9pm

Saturday, September 3, 11:30am-5:30pm

Wednesday, September 7, 6-9pm

Saturday, September 10, 11:30am-5:30pm

Saturday, September 17, 11:30am-5:30pm

Wednesday, September 21, 6-9pm (Open Mabon Ritual!

Saturday, October 8, 11:30am-5:30pm

Saturday, October 22, 11:30am-5:30pm

Saturday, October 29, 11:30am-5:30pm

Wednesday, November 2, 6-9pm (Open Samhain Ritual!)

Saturday, November 19, 11:30am-5:30pm

Wednesday, November 30, 6-9pm

Saturday, December 3, 11:30am-5:30pm

Saturday, December 10, 11:30am-5:30pm

Wednesday, December 21, 6-9pm (Open Yule Ritual!)

Jupiter: That's really awesome, Merc. Thanks for that. [Pauses] What I don't see on here is John's book writing schedule.

Mercury: Well, you would be correct this time, Jupiter. John doesn't have a book writing schedule. He doesn't have a book, either. By my count he's got four in various states of completion, but none of them are actually done. He's nowhere near publishing a book!

Jupiter: Well, when is that asshole going to get around to publishing one? I mean COME THE FUCK ON. How long does he expect us to wait around?

Mercury: I told you that he ignores me. The fact of the matter is that he barely answers my many missives. But this is probably not the time or place...

Jupiter: BULLSHIT! This is the perfect time and place. He needs to get his ass in gear. 

Mercury: I can't disagree with the facts there, but as far as the "when" we're not privy to that information.

Jupiter: Well dude, what have you been doing? I mean other than going retrograde every ten minutes! Aren't you Mr. Information Gathering? Can't you take photos of his Erin Condren planner or something? And by that I mean BEFORE you go retrograde again at the end of this month?

Mercury: I could, but wouldn't you have an ethical problem with that?

Jupiter: I'll agree it's unethical. But if the end justifies the means...

Mercury: So you want me to steal information from John to find out when he's going to publish a book? Even if there is no book coming?

Jupiter: Yes. That's about right. Pure information gathering. I wouldn't even think of it as "theft". Information should be free to all. 

Mercury: Hmmm. Information does belong to everyone...

Jupiter: Of course! That's an excellent rationalization for unethical activity! I've used that one before.

Mercury: I'll think about it. He sort of deserves it for making fun of Geminis all the time.

Jupiter: That's a fantastic supporting need: Revenge! I love it. It's a time-honored classic. Go with it! Sally forth!

Mercury: But wait a second. I almost forgot...aren't you supposed to be telling people to have John do astrology charts and tarot parties for them? "They make great gifts for Halloween, Christmas, and any other holiday you can think of?" Something along those lines?

Jupiter: Absolutely! But we can do that next time. The fat bastard won't even realize we didn't. He doesn't read this crap.

Mercury: That's what John asked us to do this time!

Jupiter: I've conveniently forgotten what he told us to say, actually. And you?

Mercury: [Smiles] Temporary information retrieval difficulty. I like that!

Jupiter: I think we're finally speaking the same language, fact-face.