Monday, October 12, 2015

Sun vs. Saturn: Growing Toward the Sun

Moon: The Sun will see you now, Saturn. 

Saturn: Thank you, good Lady. Please see that we're not disturbed. 

Moon: Yes, sir. In you go.

[Saturn walks into the Sun's office and closes the door. Lady Moon flips Saturn off.]

Saturn: Thanks for taking the time to see me, sir. 

Sun: Certainly, Saturn. [The Sun's phone rings] Excuse me a moment. Yes, Lady? [pauses] I see. Thank you...I'll let him know. [hangs up with a chuckle]. So apparently you're "an asshole".

Saturn: What? Who was that?

Sun: Lady Moon. She said something about making sure to interrupt you during our meeting. Did you two have some kind of incident, Old Man?

Saturn: That was rude! All I did was tell her I wanted us not to be disturbed. And I don't expect such language from her.

Sun: I think I get it now. Lady Moon does not take it kindly when people other than me try to dictate what goes on in my office. So you deserved that one. And frankly, even the Moon has a dark're just not around to hear it. 

Saturn: Be that as it may, good sir...

Sun: Yes?

Saturn: John just started with astrology college recently. 

Sun: Yes, I have been following his exploits on Facebook. The Midwest School of Astrology! I couldn't be more thrilled for him!

Saturn: Well...I'm not happy. 

Sun: I usually try to avoid sarcasm, Old Man...but should I be surprised?

Saturn: It's one more excuse for John to lessen my influence on him. He found out that people are their moon signs as children and "grow toward the Sun". I rule his Moon, so once again that leaves me out in the cold. 

Sun: You know, for an astrological planet you seem to really have an inferiority complex.

Saturn: I do not!

Sun: You sure do. Why is that?

Saturn: Do you know how it feels to be seen as the planet who puts restrictions on people? Or the planet that everyone hates? Because that's where I am. 

Sun: Saturn, you play an important astrological role. And you should know that by now. What I don't understand is why you let this...this John guy, this blogger, as nice as he is, make you so angry. You have millions of other people in your domain. Why him?

Saturn: Because he's figuring me out. You see, most people don't know astrology. They just see it as a fun diversion in their newspaper. But John...he was one of my people growing up, and I was exceptionally proud of him. Since he started learning more about all of us, however...he's pushed away from me. And he's trying to tell more people about me and my influence. That's not helping my cause at all. His blog takes his fair share of pot shots in my direction and I'm tired of it. 

Sun: Saturn, I'm really sorry, but you're wasting my time with all this. You know I've always been here to listen. My advice is to let it go. How many people actually listen to John, anyway? He's a neophyte at best. Stop taking him so seriously. 

Saturn: Maybe you're right, sir. I just...I hate it when people trash my reputation. I mean, they said in class that Capricorn was like "concrete shoes" and John thought that was HILARIOUS. They don't understand how important I am. 

Sun: And I'm sure John for one DOES understand how important you are. He's probably done more positive things for your cause than you realize. But you know as well as I do that he's coming up on his Saturn-Saturn opposition in his natal chart, and that can make people a little bit more...well, YOU know.

Saturn: Yes, I sure do. [gets up] Thanks for your time, sir. I've already taken too much of it. See you at the next meeting. 

Sun: Hang in there, Old Man. It will get better, I'm sure. 

[Saturn opens the door and leaves]

Moon: [mimicking Saturn] Please see that we're NOT disturbed.  [high squeaky voice] Of course, your Lordship! 

Sun: [laughs] That was not done with your usual subtlety, Luna.

Moon: Fuck him. That old bastard really pisses me off! Coming in here to try to give you orders...who in the Universe does he think he is?

Sun: [smiling] I adore you, Luna.

Moon: That prick. I feel bad for John...he's really fucked because Saturn rules his Moon position, too.

Sun: John will be fine. Please don't trouble yourself over Saturn anymore , OK?

Moon: [smiles] I'll endeavor to grumble more silently, sir. 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Planetary Blog Tour: Mercury's Manic Musical Musings

Hi there! Hope you've enjoyed this blog tour! Setting it up was a lot of fun and the fact that we all worked together, well...that never happens! So it was cool.

Anyway, I've got my list last for you now. I mean, I'm the last list you'll see on this topic. Just making sure I was clear...I'm in retrograde now and things are starting to be very fuzzy in my world so I'll go for short and sweet here.

1) "Operator (That's Not the Way It Feels)" by Jim Croce--This is one of the first songs John remembered as a child, and it was one of his parents' favorite artists. Of course, many of us don't even know what an operator is anymore, or remember that Ma Bell started all this. 

2) "867-5309 Jenny" by Tommy Tutone--During the 80s we couldn't stop listening to this song. I mean, it was insane. Anyone who had that number but have been inundated with prank calls! Nowadays, everyone just texts, you know?

3) "How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore?" by Prince and Alicia Keys--Both versions have their appeal, but the reason no one calls is because everyone is texting. I thought I said that earlier!

4) "Pennsylvania 6-5000" by the Glenn Miller Orchestra--Ah yes, big band in the age of numbers that involved the name of a state! Damn, that was a long time ago. Fun little tune, though. The band actually has to shout the title at various times during the song, which John will tell you from personal experience is rather irritating and takes away from the overall experience. 

5) "Crosstown Traffic" by Jimi Hendrix--I really enjoy this tune. Thankfully my commute is a short one. Folks who live in big cities probably wouldn't say the same, unless you're taking public transit, another one of the areas I cover. 

6) "" by Prince--When the Internet was starting to become self-aware...I mean, when it was starting to grown in accessibility and popularity, Prince came out with this smooth cool hit.

7) "Communication Breakdown" by Led Zeppelin--This song is all about me right now. It's much harder to avoid when I'm in retrograde, right?

8) "Jive Talkin'" by the Bee Gees--A fantastic hit from the era of disco and Saturday night fever. Glad I wasn't the bass player...I tried it once on Rock Band and it was a total bitch kitty!

9) The group "Talking Heads" and their album "Speaking in Tongues--How awesome is that??

10) "Traveling Without Moving" by Jamiroquai--The song is unexpectedly good! Who knew?

Anyway, hope I'm not treating you too badly. And if I didn't apologize yet for anything I might do to your life...sorry!

Thanks for tuning in for the blog hop! John will be back once he manages to recover from his vacation! :)  

PS Oh shit...I forgot that I'm "Mercury, the Messenger" in Holst's "The Planets" suite. Whatever. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

Planetary Blog Tour: The Moon's Musical Musings

Hello and well met, everyone...I'm the Moon and it's a pleasure to be here. I must admit it's a tad bit unsettling, knowing that all of you are going to read this. But I'll try to work through it on this "Moon"day. :)

Anyway, here are some musical selections for you to ponder.

1) "Mother" by the Police--While not portraying mothers in a particularly good light, this song is goofy and interesting, and it's done in a weird time signature--7/8 time, maybe? Listen and you'll see what I'm talking about. 

2) "Mitternacht" by E Nomine--I know many of you probably wouldn't think I'd like a song named "Midnight" by a German techno pop artist, but this is a guilty pleasure of mine. It reminds John of a loud goth club he read tarot a few times back after he started his professional reading career. So glad he got out of that place!

3) "Under a Violet Moon" by Blackmore's Night--A lovely tune, this one! I probably hear it once or twice a week at least. 

4) "Black Moonlight" by Bing Crosby--If you're a fan of the Fallout New Vegas game, you'll recognize this one. Old school can be the best sometimes...but I've really got to be in the mood for it. 

5) "So Emotional" by Whitney Houston--Say what you will about this lady's life and death, she was pure, raw talent. And love can do that to me!

6) "I Second that Emotion" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles--This phrase has worked its way into popular culture since this song came out during Motown's heyday. But it never fails to put a smile on my face. 

7) "Loveless Love" by Kid Ory's Creole Jazz Band--A New Orleans jazz classic! Who says you have to have words to convey emotion? OK, maybe Mercury does...but let me reassure you that even a song without words can move you. Listen to the raw clarinet solo in this one...that tells you all you need to know about how much passion these musicians had. 

8) "Blue Moon" by a whole bunch of people--Originally written by Rodgers and Hart, this song has been covered many many times, by Dean Martina nd Elvis, among others. It also made an appearance in the movie "Grease" sung by none other than Sha Na Na. No matter when it comes up, I love it. NOTE: The version by the Ventures is peppier than most, and has no words. But it doesn't need them. 

9) "Do You Want to Know a Secret?" by the Beatles. I can keep secrets well, and I always seem to have a knowing grin during meetings when people don't know what's coming, but I do. I listen very well and I keep my mouth shut...imagine what you could learn by doing the same!

10) "Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra--I love the sounds of old lounge singers, and this song fits the bill. Who wouldn't want to be near the Moon? 

Thanks for being so patient and understanding as a ramble along. If you have other Moon-related songs, please let me know in the comments and John will pass them along. 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Planetary Blog Tour: The Sun Takes the Reins

Hi everyone...the leader of the astrological planets here! Glad to be with you today to shed some light on my musical favorites. 

Originally, I wasn't supposed to be doing one of these, but it sounded like fun! And since it was Sunday, that helped make up my mind! So here goes:

1) "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles--A total classic in every sense of the word.

2) "You are the Sunshine of My Life" by Stevie Wonder--Just that phrase alone should make you smile and feel warm. 

3) "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden--I wasn't sure I'd like this tune, but it's got some very nice intensity, especially toward the end. 

4) "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama--The summer sure can be cruel these days if you don't wear sunscreen and be careful out there! No melanoma or sun poisoning for you!

5) "Albino Sunburned Girl" by Ween--See #4. What are you doing taking such health risks, young lady?

6) Anything by the Suntones, a fantastic a cappella group from way back. I'm a big fan of their version of "This is My Country" and "Danny Boy". Sounds like one person singing. 

7) "Walkin' on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves--This is a totally rad 80s hit that is infectious. If I was more malicious, I'd leave Saturn voice mails of this song to piss him off. 

8) "Walkin' on the Sun" by Smash Mouth--I heard this song so often that I had to wonder if people understood they'd be dead long before they got close enough to walk on me. Hmmm. 

9) "Beyond the Sunset" by Blackmore's Night--Gorgeous guitar work on this piece! I've gotta be in the right mood for it, though.

10) "Sunrise, Sunset" from the "Fiddler on the Roof" Soundtrack. Who could forget this powerful tune that really anchors the show? 

Anyway, I'm glad to have the opportunity to help John bask in the sun, at least metaphorically speaking. :)

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Planetary Blog Tour: Saturn Speaks of Songs

Hello everyone...since everyone else is playing by the rules, or at least they appear to be at present, I'll play along. That way they can't accuse me of being, well...whatever they call someone who has the taste and refinement that they don't possess, I guess.

My musical selections may seem strange to you, but at least you won't have other planets or John criticizing them. So here they are:

1) "You Haven't Done Nothin'" by Stevie Wonder--An amazing and talented musician with an inspiring message to get off the couch and do something. It's about time. 

2) "Saturn: The Bringer of Old Age" in Holst's "The Planets" Suite. Pluto will be rather upset to know that Holst was asked to add an additional movement to this piece about him, but Holst was fed up with composing songs about us and told them no. Anyway, my part is by far the most stately and dignified of the group. Why bother listening to the rest?

3) "Saturday Night on Saturn" by Les Baxter and His Orchestra. It's from one of the Ultra Lounge albums. It's got a good beat and you could dance to it if you were so inclined. Please feel free to refrain at the moment, though.

4) "Those Were the Days" from the old television show "All in the Family"--That Archie Bunker guy made a lot of sense, and truly he was ahead of his time. He's so much like me in so many ways...

5) "Be Good Johnny" by Men at Work--When our favorite blogger succumbs to the influences of lesser planets, I hum this almost constantly. It can get in your head. If he listened to me more, I'm sure I wouldn't need to listen to it so much.

6) "Bad Boys" by Inner Circle--I can't watch enough "Cops". Watching people get what's coming to them for violating the law is one of my favorite things...I tend to binge watch quite a bit. I'd call it a guilty pleasure if I felt bad about it. But I don't. 

7) "Traffic Jam" by the Artie Shaw Big Band--Great old tune from a fantastic group. That's when it was really music, people. 

8) "Powerslave" by Iron Maiden--When feeling in a particularly good mood, I listen to this entire album over and over again. There isn't a bad song on it.

9) "Danse Macabre" by Camille Saint-Saens--It is a beautiful, melancholy musical rendering of Death. 

10) "Maple Leaf Rag" by Scott Joplin--Once again, this is how music should really be done. And so many people want to play it so fast...follow the rules for the rag style. It's nice and slow. 

Honorable Mention: Any band named Saturnian Mist gets my admiration. I don't think of myself as "misty" but you know how musicians get; they take liberties with everything.

I'm sure John's not thinking about me at all right now, which is extremely disappointing. At least I hope he doesn't think about any of the other planets, either. 

This is by far the best blog you've seen in this space for a while, I'm sure. So make sure to let John know. I was lobbying for two blogs but Mercury never followed up. Typical, especially because his retrograde turns him into a complete nincompoop. 

Friday, September 18, 2015

Planetary Blog Tour: Venus Sounds Off

Hello ladies and gentlemen...Venus here! 

I'm totally thrilled to be helping John relax on his vacation by writing this blog, especially since I got my day again!

I'm such a huge music's something that we all can relate to and brings so many people together. It's one of the most wonderful things there is. 

Of course I had a really hard time deciding on my songs, but here's my best shot at it. If you have others that could be on my playlist, let me know in the comments!

1) "She's Not There" by the Zombies--What a wonderful tune! I imagine some of you were singing this one pretty loudly over the past month. Did I apologize for that yet? If I didn't, sorry. It only happens once every 18 months. 

2) "Venus" by Frankie Avalon--You couldn't ask for a more beautiful song, even though it does objectify women to a great degree. I'll try to write it off as a sign of the times, though, and not take it personally. 

3) "Venus" by Bananarama--I must listen to this one at least 3 times a day. It's AMAZING and totally gets me going, especially in the mornings. 

4) "Woman's World" by Cher--This one is really powerful and enjoyable, as well as fairly recent. It's always been a woman's world to me, but now women are really starting to see it and take charge. GO GET IT, LADIES!

5) "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls--How many girls' nights out start with this song? AWESOME!

6) "Roxanne" by the Police--I love the tune, but a lot of people might find falling in love with a prostitute an objectionable topic. They have feelings, too, people. 

7) "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood--This is definitely a Venus retrograde song if there ever was one. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...with the appropriate implements of destruction!

8) "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls--One of my favorite moments was when John and his brother decided to sing this song at John's 40th birthday party. Almost every woman in the audience got up to dance and sing it. That's what I call girl power!

9) "Venus, the Bringer of Peace" in Holst's "The Planets" suite--A fitting tribute to what I try to do most of the time: bring peace and harmony to all.

10) "Respect" by Aretha Franklin--If you find you treat women with less respect than men, no matter what your gender, then perhaps you need to listen to this song a few more times.

I'm hoping that John and his lovely wife have a fantastic vacation and take plenty of pictures! Once again, if you have other songs to suggest to me, please do in the comments! :)

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Planetary Blog Tour: Neptune Takes a Stab At It

Hello fellow music appreciators! You really have me to thank...or curse as the case may be...for this blog tour. So I hope you've enjoyed it so far. Don't tell anyone but I think even Saturn might have enjoyed it the tiniest bit. Maybe I should just keep that to myself.

Anyway, here are my musical offerings for the day. I had plenty of good ones to pick from but these come to mind right away.

1) "Roll Tide" from the Crimson Tide Soundtrack--this whole soundtrack was fantastic, but this track in particular was very moving and powerful. You could feel the ocean!

2) & 3) "Wipeout"--Ok so there are two versions of this one I like. The original was done by the Surfaris--another of my favorite band names!--but I also liked the Beach Boys and Fat Boys collaborative effort. Both have their merits.

4) "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid Soundtrack--What a funny amazing little ditty this is! Is it back in your head yet? If it's not, how about NOW?

5) "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Iron Maiden--This joyous tribute to one of the most amazing poems ever written is hands down one of my absolute favorites and the lead singer's voice is opera quality. You have to hear it to understand. 

6) "Red Red Wine" by UB40. I love this song but I also hate it when I listen to it too much. I guess I hate red red wine too after I've drunk to much of it as well. But really, "too much wine" isn't really a problem for me. 

7) "Shots" by LFMAO and Lil' Jon--If you're interested in getting three sheets to the wind and sex with strangers, this song is definitely for you!

8) "Neptune, the Mystic" from Holst's "The Planets" suite. This is a lyrical, beautiful tribute to me. I actually use it as my wake up song, but luckily my alarm never seems to go off when it should. 

9) "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison--This song is on John's phone and is a ringtone for one of his dearest friends. 

10) "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder--One person's superstition is another person's spirituality. Be careful when you use this word, because it's all relative. 

It's been great being back in the driver's seat and about a topic that is near and dear to my heart! Rock on, good people! :)