Friday, December 19, 2014

Book Review: The Witches' Almanac, Issue 24, Spring 2015-2016

The Witches’ Almanac, Issue 34
The Witches’ Almanac, LTD

I have many old copies of The Witches’ Almanac from past years, back when they were done in paper without glossy covers. This should give you an idea about how useful they are, and this edition is certainly no exception.

The theme of this particular issue is “Fire, the Transformer”, and many of the articles deal with “fiery” topics. If you’re working with fire in your magickal practice, this is definitely not an edition you will want to miss.

Similar to other almanacs, there is very useful information in here for your magickal edification that would make it a useful purchase even with that information alone, such as holidays, moon cycles, and horoscopes for the coming year. But as usual there is so much more.

I was thrilled by the amount of astrology articles in this edition. I don’t recall seeing as many in the past, or perhaps I just wasn’t looking for them. But one of the best articles in this edition for me is the one about the “galactic center” in astrology, from approximately 25-29 degrees of Sagittarius. This is an important area of an astrological chart, and you should definitely check and see if you have any planets in that area. They will take on an added significance in your life, as their energy is being chewed up and recycled. What liked was that the article gave a nice introduction to the concept of the galactic center, and gave some planetary transits over that point in the next year.

I also enjoyed the article on the planetary days and hours, especially since it gave a calculation so you can figure out which planet is ruling a given hour in a day or night where you are. Certain computer programs will calculate this for you, but I’m totally excited to try it by hand!

For fire-themed articles, I definitely enjoyed the one on fireflies, a nice look at some of the legends of fireflies and how to attract them to your outdoor spaces. Who knew that having lights on in your house will interfere with their breeding?

Two page-long articles also attracted my attention. One was quotations from various people about fire, which includes, “Fire is the most tolerable third party,“ by Thoreau. The second was a short article on the Devil card in the tarot, which did a great job encapsulating some of the major themes and imagery on the card. Since the Devil is not a card you want to see come up in a reading, it’s important to know what it means when he does.

Finally, another short article that crossed my mind is on cardinals. They’re a bird I have always loved, and I’m guessing I’m not alone since seven American states have chosen them as the state bird, more than any other.

If you’re looking for lengthy articles, this isn’t the place, but The Witches’ Almanac shows consistently that an article doesn’t need to be wordy to be meaningful.

Sunday, December 14, 2014


Please accept my apologies for the last two blogs. Once again, I tried to make those planets in my chart work together. Both Neptune and Jupiter have oppositions to Saturn for me, and I find that writing about them helps me balance their energies in my own life. 

First things first: I didn't authorize Jupiter to be anywhere near this blog for the reasons you saw and many more. Don't get me wrong...he's an amazing guy to hang out with but he does get really carried away. When he knew he'd be going up against Saturn of course he lost his mind. Getting those two to get along in my own life is a pain. 

I think it may be best here to give you an example or two. Jupiter rules expansion...and he's in a very strong position in my chart, in his rulership in Sagittarius (a sign he rules). His energy flows easily in me. Jupiter is expansion on a physical level; I've never been a small man, and Jupiter loves to eat too much. Saturn is Jupiter's foil and deals with self-discipline. When I channel him, I lose weight very easily and feel bad about eating anything bad for me. Sometimes I don't eat enough when I'm with Saturn, which doesn't help my overall diet anyway. So my weight very much depends on whose energy I happen to be working with more.

Personality-wise, you've heard about Silent John. He's a Saturn construct for sure. He's about as much of an old curmudgeon as you can get. He doesn't want to be around people and he doesn't want to interact with them. Jupiter is the opposite. He's outgoing and very friendly...sometimes too friendly. He wants to be around others and, while not as much of an attention hog as the Sun, he's the teacher of the astrological planets, so he wants to lead groups and share his knowledge. When I channel Saturn in the classroom, think of the most strict teacher you've had, and that's him in a nutshell; he's not mean but he's a hardass, a real tough bastard who gives away nothing for free. He came in really handy when I was teaching high school. At the Tradition of the Witches Circle, I'm learning how to rein him in. 

And that, dear readers, is what life is about: Taking the hand you're dealt astrologically and making it work in your life for your benefit and success. Sure, I'd rather these planets be best buddies, but that's not going to happen and it's kind of good that it doesn't. In charts where the planets get along easily, there is less tension but people tend to be lazier. I guess I'll take the tension and try to work through the nonsense. 

Anyway, I'd like to take a moment to wish you well this time of year, no matter what holiday(s) you choose to celebrate. I'd also like to take a moment to remind you that tarot readings and astrology charts make fantastic holiday gifts. While I have a long way to go to becoming the astrological expert I would like to be (Saturn), I'm happy to share the knowledge I have with you (Jupiter), or use my intuitive gifts to give you some insight (Neptune). Wow, it's almost as if I planned that... :)

To my clients and students, thank you for your trust and confidence. I am honored and humbled, and it is my pleasure to serve you!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Christmas Greeting Rebuttal from Neptune...and Jupiter?

Neptune: Hello everyone! Neptune here. John gave me the opportunity to write this blog, but since I'm sort of busy at the moment helping many of you deal with the holidaze through writing bad poetry and drinking, Jupiter offered to give me a hand in wishing you well. Take it away, good sir!

Jupiter: Thanks, Neptune! I'm thrilled to be here today!

What many people may not know is that in John's chart I am an even closer opposition to Saturn than you are, Neptune. So I've got even more reason to hate that [OFFENSIVE CONTENT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR] than Neptune does. Did he really think that was wishing you WELL? As far as I'm concerned, you can take that blog that Saturn wrote and [OFFENSIVE CONTENT INVOLVING THE LOWER DIGESTIVE TRACT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR].

Anyway, coming from someone who rules the sign we're currently transiting through--WHOOP WHOOP, ARCHERS!!!--I think this is the best time of year. People really let loose...they buy too much, they drink too much, and they eat too much. AND SO WHAT? If that [EXPLETIVE] ever even enjoyed life for a change, you never know what could happen. But no, Saturn's gotta sit up there like a [OFFENSIVE CONTENT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR] and judge everyone, like usual. Once the New Year comes around everyone can straighten up and fly right, and that's the way it's always been. (It's interesting that Saturn rules the ENTIRE MONTH where the most divorces occur, isn't it? There's a reason for that! No one can stand him!)

Nobody gives me credit for anything these days. I mean come the [EXPLETIVE] on! When good luck finds it's way to you, that's me at work, that great run at the craps table or that sweet promotion at the office. And I rule over partying and having a great time. Who wouldn't love being around me? Sure I have a spiritual side, that's true...and this time of year people embrace that, too. But I'm all about expansion. And when it comes to late November to the solstice, I'm all about expanding the fun. If I expand a few waistlines in the process...I'm not worried!

As far as John goes, don't listen to that [OFFENSIVE, DEMEANING CONTENT ABOUT SATURN DELETED]! You need to check out his tarot and astrology services for the holidaze! An astrological chart or solar return makes a great gift, as does a gift certificate for a tarot reading. He is extremely talented, and he's got Jupiter in Sagittarius--that's my RULERSHIP, BABY!--so he's very ambitious and is always learning more. No, he's not a Sag or Pisces, but he's a pretty amazing guy, for a Scorpio.

What are you still doing reading this blog? Get the [EXPLETIVE] out of here, [OFFENSIVE COMMENTARY ABOUT SATURN DELETED], and GO HAVE A GOOD TIME! YOLO, good people, YOLO! I'm OUT! [DROPS MIC].

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Restrained Holiday Greetings from Saturn

Greetings of the season to all of you.

I'm thankful to John for giving me the opportunity to write this blog. Originally, Neptune and I were supposed to write it together, but of course, our views on the season are not, shall we say, compatible, despite John's many and varied attempts to have us work in harmony together. So John reluctantly agreed to allow me to pen this one on my own, provided I don't throw any invective Neptune's way. 

Speaking personally, I certainly expect that Neptune will likely have his say, and I expect John to ensure that he plays by the same rules as I am. To quote a famous movie and it's just as well, "That's all I have to say about that."

For his part, John been particularly lax about writing lately, and he's definitely put on some weight, but that's not because I haven't been reminding him to write, go to the gym, and eat less. Anyway, none of that is important right now. If John minds that I shared all that with you, I'll have to make my apologies to him. But I digress.

What is important at this time of year are the virtues that I instill, or try to, in all of you, but they become vital in this season of "merriment". I've never really seen the point of all this partying myself, but as a personal favor to me, I'd like you to make sure it doesn't get too out of control. So I'm asking this year for you to be particularly careful by abiding by the following rules.

1) Show self-restraint in all that you do, whether it be food, alcohol, or dress. An in-control person is a happy person.
2) Please act fiscally responsible. I know many of you overspend (Jupiter's influence, no doubt) and it's just not a smart idea to open up your credit card bills in January and realize what a huge mistake you've made. How about things that are well-made but less expensive this holiday season? If you're going to splurge a little bit, which I highly discourage, please buy from local small businesses.
3) Be modest in all things. Accept congratulations and greetings of the season with the appropriate decorum and respect.

There is a fourth point that John asked me to mention, but since it appears to be a distasteful attempt at shamelessly marketing his tarot and astrology services this holiday season, I feel I am duty-bound to ignore it. He doesn't seem to realize that his services, while entertaining and mildly interesting in a plebeian sort of way, foster a belief in the otherworldly, and many people would rather ask for guidance from stars or cards than use self-discipline to guide their lives. If people lived in blissful moderation in all things, instead of excess, they wouldn't need his services at all. This is the same man reading a book entitled "Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil"! IMAGINE! 

Actually, when it comes to astrology, John doesn't know half of what you think he does, so why would you consult him, anyway? [I expect this last statement to be censored in the final draft of this blog. I'll have to hit SEND before he sees it.]

Once again, I hope you will hear and follow my guidance toward self-restraint and modesty this holiday season, no matter whose holiday you choose to celebrate. You will thank me in January when it's time for the all-important New Years' resolutions.

Very truly yours,


PS: Despite what some astrologers may say, like the one who runs this blog, I am not as much of a prick as everyone thinks I am. 

PPS: If you choose to celebrate Saturnalia, well...I hope you'll keep me in it. Thanks in advance for your support. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

State of the Art Astrology Conference--Coming Soon!

State of the Art, better known as SOTA, is...well, why don't I let the organizer, Donna Van Toen, tell you. Take it away, Donna!

"STATE OF THE ART (“SOTA”) is an astrology conference geared to intermediate, advanced, and professional astrologers. As the title implies, its function is to illustrate the state of the art/discipline of astrology by featuring popular speakers and hot topics that exemplify leading-edge thought and techniques. We are unique in North America in that SOTA presents a mix of one-hour, two-hour, and three-hour speakers as well as all-day pre- and post-conference workshops."

This conference will be significant for a number of reasons. It's my first astrology conference ever. When it comes to astrology, I'm definitely a newbie in this crowd. But I'm hoping to pick up lots of interesting information from the presenters, especially my mentor Elizabeth Hazel.

It's also my first presentation at a metaphysical conference of any kind. Now while I'm still new to astrology, SOTA's having an "Open Forum" this year, where people like me who are experts at other metaphysical disciplines get a chance to speak in a 45-minute block. I was fortunate enough to get a speaking slot. 

My topic is tarot; more specifically, I'm doing a presentation called, "Are you a Tarot Misfortune Teller?" This is a topic that I've talked about before in blogs but it will be the first time it's presented to a live audience. I just can't wait to go.

SOTA is held in Niagara Falls, NY, and it's part "business" and part "vacation" for Jen and I, since we've never been up that way before. So you can expect lots of pictures from both sides of the falls, since we'll be going into Canada often during our stay.

A number of my close friends are coming to join us, but even if you're not attending the conference you can join in the fun through Facebook and Twitter!

Twitter: #sota14 or @sotaastrology

I'll be sending along the occasional update from the conference. Likely I'll be spending so much time getting to know new people, soaking up the lectures, or staring at the Falls that I won't have time to blog, but my Twitter (@JohnMaraniTarot) should be pretty active!

I've already started planning what to pack and what I'm going to say during my presentation. Mercury will actually stationary at the time that I'm speaking so hopefully we can avoid any Merc retro nastiness.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

When Mercury Retrograde Attacks: Caught in the Bullseye

So Mercury had his way with me last Friday night. I'm not ashamed to say that it wasn't at all pretty.

I'm a pretty new PlayStation4 owner. I was an Xbox guy for more than 11 years, and while I still have my 360, I looked hard at both next-gen console systems and decided to go back to my roots with PlayStation. When Jen and I first got married, one of our biggest purchases in our first month together was a PlayStation. We traded in our old consoles for it and all our old games at it was still $350, a huge amount of money for us. But we loved it. So I was glad to pick up the PS4.

Anyway, we bought the PS4 over Labor Day weekend with our Target debit card, and we also grabbed one game and a PS4 Network Plus card so I could play online if I wanted to.

We took home the system and set it up, but we could never seem to get it online. Turns out our Apple router must be set up a particular way to work with the PS4's protocols, and this past weekend I finally got around to making it work. Yes, I took the chance and did network changes during a Merc retro and had no problems; that was truly a gamble and this time it paid off. So we're now online, and it's time to put in the code from the PS4 Network Plus card so we'll be good to go online and play for a year. I enter the code and the error message is one that you receive if your card has not been activated at the time of purchase at the store.

Last Friday night, I head back to Target and found that it was time for Mercury to bend me over.

Mercury rules paperwork and I show up without a receipt. But I used my Target card, so they should have a record of all my purchases, right? My iPad app shows me the purchase amount and date but not the items. Tania at the customer service desk takes my information and goes to look for the purchase in a computer to ensure that I was charged for it. I knew that I had been, but of course she had to see the proof. So she left for a few minutes and checked the purchase dates. Since it was over Labor Day weekend the charge didn't post until September 2, so she came back and said she didn't find it. After some research in my phone, I gave her the exact date of the transaction. She comes back about 10 minutes later and says she still can't find it. Then she says, "I don't think we charged you for it, which is why it's not working."

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had paid for it, and that card is $50, so I'm not going to go away quietly, but I'm trying to be very patient because I know they're doing their best. Tania asks me how much everything was that day, which I remembered, but she contends that it doesn't add up if I also bought the card. So we head over to electronics and she realizes that she had the wrong price on the PS4, that the math does check out, and that I did indeed buy the card. So we go to the electronics desk where the standard group of 20-ish guys is standing around waiting for some customers, and we meet Chris. Tania explains our problem and Chris says he's seen it before. The best solution, according to him, is to return the defective card and give me a new card. Sounds perfect to me. So we traipse back over to customer service to do the return.

Target keeps your transaction data for 30 days. But it has been more than 30 days, so of course when they go to process the return they can't find the card. They try my card, my license, and what I'm sure was either the first ten pages of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" or the complete works of Charles Baudelaire before they realized it wasn't going to work.

Enter Jodi, who has executive level privileges on the cash register. She's hoping she can help make this work. She gets further than anyone else so far as Chris looks on; Tania decided she would be more helpful elsewhere and bowed out. I'm thinking, "Awesome! We're in the home stretch." Stupid me. Before the final step of the return, however, the register freezes up and kicks her out. Clearly perplexed, she moves down to the next one and tries again. This happens a second, third, and fourth time before she starts wondering if Target's entire network is down. So she does exactly what she should have done: She called Target's tech support.

She clearly and calmly explains the situation to the tech rep, who tells her to process the return. When Jodi explains that she cannot do so because of what the register is doing--which is why she's calling, of course--the tech rep tells her that s/he sees that I didn't use the card, so they should just process it as a return and everything will be fine. Once again, Jodi explains that she CAN'T process the return, which is why she was calling to begin with. Five minutes later, Jodi is laughing at the stupidity of the situation; the rep didn't get what Jodi was saying and kept repeating how to do a return. Having been on both sides of such a call, I understand Jodi's frustration. Jodi tries once again after rebooting the machine entirely with no success. Without even saying goodbye, Jodi hangs up the phone, still laughing and shaking her head. Apparently they've had some technical problems with the registers recently. "Oh really?" I reply, with a smile. "I've heard there's a lot of that kind of thing happening these days."

I've now been trying to get this problem resolved for nearly 90 minutes, and to their credit, Target's team did a great job. But I've still got no card to show for it. Jodi explains she has no idea what is going on, but that she can give me a card for free to replace it. Before I say yes, though, she tells me that because of they way they have to process the transaction it's going to show that I didn't pay anything for this card, and if I come back with a problem on this card, I'm fucked and likely they won't be able to help me (my words, not hers!). So I can take the card and take my chances or I can have no satisfaction at all and be stuck with a card that doesn't work and go buy another one anyway. This Scorpio would not accept defeat; I took the offer and took the card home. (Warning: I'm thinking that was not a smart idea, but it's the one that made the most sense.)

At this point I'm thinking, "This is going to work or I will be really pissed. But I've gotta try." I get home and Mercury decides that he's got one final challenge for me to complete. You scratch off the back of the card for the code, but I peeled it off with my fingernails. Remember that Mercury rules paperwork? I really should have scratched it off with a coin, because half the letters came off and half stayed on. We could see some of them but the rest didn't come up. So I run to Jen, and she gets most of the rest of the letters, but there are one or two we don't know. So we spent parts of the next day looking for the right combination of letters and numbers; luckily we could make educated guesses.

After a number of attempts with the wrong letter/number combination, the code finally goes in and we've got PSN Network Plus for a whole year. And there was much rejoicing! YAAAAAAY!

The moral of the story: When you're Mercury's target, try as best you can to push through. If you can't, then you hunker down. That's all.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Embracing the Mercury Retrograde Fuckery: Is a Titanic Retrograde in Store?

Well, this doesn't exactly bode well for the upcoming retrograde when I have someone ask me, "When is it over?" Then I have to look like the asshole for saying, "Well...technically, it hasn't even started yet."

 We're still in the storm, which appears in some corners to have already earned the "shitstorm" title. 

One person shared her story with me. Her iPhone fell into a toilet. Luckily, everything works but the thumbprint scanner, so while it sucks, the worst of the damage was hopefully avoided. 

This same woman tried to make a deposit into an ATM that was possessed. I guess it needed a little extra cash, because when the woman tried to make a $300 deposit, it cancelled the transaction and took $120 for itself, leaving the rest for the woman. So now the woman has to wait 1-2 days before her claim for the money is processed and the stolen funds are deposited into her account. 

She's an Aquarius and asked me to warn everyone to be wary of using ATM machines during Mercury retrograde. And that receipt you normally throw away? Yeah, maybe you should get one...JUST IN CASE. 

I also experienced Merc retro, as a meeting between two executives and their various teams at work fell apart a day before it was supposed to happen. But you know what? I expected it from the beginning so I wasn't at all disappointed. At least I don't have to attend it myself. What's more, there was no agenda before, and now there is one, so at least people are starting to notice things. 

Speaking of seeing things, one of the Mercury retrograde challenges that I just learned about recently has to do with more difficulty in seeing what is right in front of your face. It can be harder to figure out what's going on. 

Everyone knows the story about how the Titanic just kind of plowed into that iceberg? If you're like me you were saying, "Why the fuck didn't they SEE it?" I took a look at the chart of the Titanic a month or so ago guessed it! Mercury was indeed retrograde. 

Also, did you know there was a ship that was 15 minutes away from the Titanic but never came to its rescue? That's right. The crew of the nearby Californian saw the flares from the Titanic and woke their captain, but he issued no orders. Also, the ship's radio operator would have heard the distress signals from the Titanic, but he had already gone to bed! Talk about two HUGE communications breakdowns! If the Californian had responded, a lot more people might have survived. 

So while I won't go on record to say that Mercury retrograde caused the Titanic disaster, it made it a lot worse than it could have been, starting with the mere 37 seconds the crew had to get the ship out of harm's way that night. They just didn't see it in time. 

Your problems with Merc retro might not seem as bad as Titanic's, but it's a sad and great example of how Mercury retrograde can fuck up your world. 

I hope that you're hanging on, and that Merc retro has been mild so far. Keep in touch! 

PS: Rose could have saved Jack. That plank was totally big enough. JUST SAYIN'! :)